'All Day Breakfast Ciabatta'

I recently bought (at somebody else’s expense!) an ‘All Day Breakfast Ciabatta’

I expected it to have, well, you know, breakfast type stuff in it. Just to give you the full flavour (ha ha!), this is what it says on the packet –

‘Lincolnshire sausage and hard boiled egg with cheese, sweetcure bacon & sunblush tomato relish in a plain ciabatta'.

OK, let’s break this down…that’s potentially 6 yummy breakfast ingredients…but only potentially…

1. ‘Lincolnshire sausage’ – Hey! Yes! 1 out of 1. I will definitely give you that one. A breakfast ingredient and no mistake.

2. Hard boiled egg’ – So not fried or scrambled or even poached then? However, sure as eggs is eggs I’ll let you have ½ for that one, almost a breakfast ingredient – that’s 1 ½ out of 2.

3. Cheese – Now, you’ve gone way off there I’m afraid – anyone here have cheese for breakfast? Thought not. That’s 1 ½ out of 3 then.

4. ‘Sweetcure bacon’ – Hey, you’re back with us my laughably expensive catering friend. 2 ½ out of 4. I’ve even let you off ‘sweetcure’ (which you didn’t do anything to deserve).

5. ‘Sunblush tomato relish’. Mm, you’re taking the piss again now aren’t you? You lose a point for the fact that ‘sunblush’ is a registered trademark. Rather like registering ‘I am a wanker’ don’t you think? - And certainly no points for putting ‘relish’ in the breakfast thank you. That’s 1 ½ out of 5.

6. ‘Plain ciabatta’ – OK, it’s bread, you can have a point for that – that’s 2 ½ out of 6.

Now then, all you had to do was to PUT BREAKFAST STUFF IN THE BREAKFAST BREAD THING and you could have had 6 out of 6 six no matter what it tasted like. I wouldn’t have thought you were a total waste of tosser. It's a sanDwich - BUT IT'S NOT BREAKFAST YOU SUNBLUSH CHEESE SWEETCURE IDIOTS!!