Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Crazy Pants Day

I was sworn to secrecy but I'm afraid I'm going to let 'the cat' out of 'the bag' early.

You see, for a small part of the world, tomorrow is 'Crazy Pants Day'! One has to wear (over one's normal clothes) one's 'favourite or most interesting pants'.

I'll be getting my current (and particularly ex) colleagues to do this.

The world, one feels, should do this kind of thing more often and perhaps lay off bribing Arabs to buy guns.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Mice Pace

I like the idea of the pace mouse doing a few laps in the mouse Olympics - and doing a few Lapps in the hotel later I'll be bound - can't trust these over paced mice you know. Over paced, over furred, over experimented on, overrunning everywhere like vermin - pigeons without wings they call them, you know (of course you do) or is that rats? They like the girls in fur from cold countries. They should hold the event in a country where nothing ferments, it's bound to help. This might mean the moon or somewhere, but they don't have a mouse Olympics or a mouse Olympic team and they're not a country so why bother?

But our subject was mice pace not pace mice....

I have a mice pace page. It's against the law to do music and not have one you know. I'm not sure about all this 'friends' stuff though meself. I make a point only to have enemies and lovers - and yes, I am going to use that line in a song so don't you touch it.

You can find 'me' at www.myspace.com/johnparkesmusic Someone had taken John Parkes, presumably to flog it to me later. That's the Spanish for you though eh? Actually, I have nothing against the Spanish despite their not understanding the concept of cheese and tomato sandwich - why should they?

I'm going to put some music on there (top of a mouse? the moon? Spain? myspace? - you decide) at some point. You can be my 'friend' on there if you want - and if I let you. Good to do something just as people get fed up with it all though eh?

Another thing to figure out -eh?

Three Buffalos

I can only think of three bands with ‘Buffalo’ in them (that's in their names of course, unless you know anyone who had an actual buffalo in the band, mind you the Ukrainians came close...)

These are:

Buffalo Springfield
Buffalo Tom
Grant Lee Buffalo

So there, you go. Point made I think – all bands with ‘Buffalo’ in their name are great! Difficult to do if you’re from Donny though I guess…

Yer man Bill from Buffalo Tom has a new band, though your man Chris from Buffalo Tom was a nice man / cool guy so I hope he’s got a new band too. I changed strings for them for a week or so back in th’eighties. They were supporting the Wedding Present. Keith from the Weddoes had a theory that the bill was always in the opposite order (not Bill, the bill) and that the best band on a night was always on first. Another point well made…he disappeared to Australia you know...

Actually Works? - Too Square Daddio!

Seems I gave the secret away re my e-bay purchase. I didn’t even get the one I bid on but I am now the proud owner of a chrome-plated Dunlop tyre pressure gauge. It was made in England. It was made in the late 1960’s and it ACTUALLY WORKS. Not only does it work but it will probably work in 100 years time if it’s looked after.

It isn’t made of plastic, it didn’t come from China via the pound shop, it’s not digital, it doesn’t need batteries, it JUST FUCKING WORKS! It’s an analogue instrument doing an analogue job. It doesn’t have fiddly bits and glued-on battery terminals and dodgy electrical connections and bits of wire that get caught in a battery compartment held ‘closed’ with impossibly small screws with heads that can be mangled by a screwdriver made of plasticine. It didn’t come in a blister pack with staples more hard wearing than the thing itself and it doesn’t have an instruction leaflet in 14 languages none of which make sense to their respective readers. It does come in a metal container with a screw lid.

It comes from a time when things were relatively more expensive. People didn’t have so many things – but the things they did have ACTUALLY WORKED and you only needed to buy one every couple of generations, not every fucking couple of weeks. People got paid decentish wages for making them and they only had to be delivered a few dozen miles to the shop or garage – and there was one of those every few miles where you could find a mechanic WHO COULD ACTUALLY FIX CARS WITHOUT NEEDING A NEW COMPUTER CHIP IMPORTED FROM THE FAR EAST.

I paid about £7 for it as it was ‘collectable’ – They didn’t even bother to advertise it as ‘useable’. Perhaps useable just doesn’t sell – why have useable when you can have buzzword / digital? I could have paid £1.49 from Argos or somewhere (for a ‘digital’ one, see above) – and then another £1.49 a couple of uses later and then another a couple of times after that. That’s what we’re supposed to do now isn’t it? – To keep us shopping for cheap tat that doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do – but, hey, it’s cheap.

What if you’re in the highlands somewhere in the snow and you need something you can actually rely on? Well, you’d be waiting for a computer chip controlled satellite guided tow truck with a starting button made with cheap plastic to not arrive wouldn’t you?

Am I a grumpy old man? – Too right I am! I want to buy things to do a job they can actually do. Why is this so hard to understand? Why isn’t there open revolt?

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

An Exciting Thing - No, really

More on this later but today's exciting thing is that I'm bidding on a 'proper' tyre pressure gauge on e-bay. This relates to me being grumpy, British industry, China, my dad and the over technologising of EVERYTHING. Oh and Argus too (or is it Argos?) who cares. Oh, and Halfords and every shop in the world come to think of it, and ironically the 'cars only' policy currently being rigidly being enforced (as opposed to the talk policy which is green and 'sustainable')

There's a free copy of my album to the person who predicts what my moan is and what my excitement is all about. It's not difficult.