Friday, July 14, 2006

Joining the Circus

The Moscow State Circus was in town recently. Everyone's got a token except me and circus children (short hairy clowns with elastic legs to a child, you know) went to the local school - for two weeks. People thought they were Germans - though the days when the Home Guard would be called out with brooms have long gone you know. Tea's off ration and everything.

I had a wonder up there. It was during a performance, weird how quiet it was from the outside – a sound-proof big top? Anyway, I fondly imagined that the ticket office would be staffed by the Strong Man and the Bearded Lady between shows. I expected it to be closed during the show. It wasn’t. Nor was it staffed by the Bearded Lady or Strong Man understudies. In fact it was a girl from Gipton trained to do a Russian accent (possibly). Might have just been a Russian woman. Whatever.

Bought tickets, saw a man run over by a truck. Well worth £20, you could wait ages on the A58. It’s £32 in at Elland Road and you’re unlikely to see a man in leopard skin being run over by a truck. Unfortunately, he wasn’t actually dressed in leopard skin. He did have sparkly foil trunks though. I think that’s as good. Willy like garlic bread at the end of the show though I imagine - French rather than Italian. Men - don't think about that metaphor for too long.

Oh yes, and the woman doing the splits had the narrowest gusset you’re likely to see. Not that I’d be interested in a thin white gusset on a slim attractive blonde young lady suspended from the ceiling by wires and spinning, doing the splits.

No-one asked me to join. Felt a little affronted. I'm not answering their e-mails.

1 comment:

Arranmore said...

I don't like bearded ladies. The whole idea gives me the heebie jeebies. Have never understood the attraction, in an entertainment sense, either. Who originally thought that one up for 'an act'? Just sitting there, looking bearded? That’ll draw in the crowds. Bizarre. Now the girl with the white gusset hanging from the ceiling I can understand. When I was in the Cubs we were all taken to the circus one Christmas and forced to watch lions and tigers get whipped in the face and elephants get poked behind the ear with a metal spike hidden under a load of coloured streamers. Even then I knew it was just plain wrong.

However, that night also introduced me to the past time of staring open mouthed at scantily clad women hanging from the ceiling suspended from a glitterball. So it wasn’t all bad. This act is another strange idea, and is really all one big con. A con that we don’t really mind, as we are all in on it. You see, no matter what the girl does during the 20 mins or so of her act every pair of eyes in the place is fixed on one place. Her gusset. It’s gusset watching for the masses. And on council premises to boot.

And clowns are just plain evil.