The Moscow State Circus was in town recently. Everyone's got a token except me and circus children (short hairy clowns with elastic legs to a child, you know) went to the local school - for two weeks. People thought they were Germans - though the days when the Home Guard would be called out with brooms have long gone you know. Tea's off ration and everything.
I had a wonder up there. It was during a performance, weird how quiet it was from the outside – a sound-proof big top? Anyway, I fondly imagined that the ticket office would be staffed by the Strong Man and the Bearded Lady between shows. I expected it to be closed during the show. It wasn’t. Nor was it staffed by the Bearded Lady or Strong Man understudies. In fact it was a girl from Gipton trained to do a Russian accent (possibly). Might have just been a Russian woman. Whatever.
Bought tickets, saw a man run over by a truck. Well worth £20, you could wait ages on the A58. It’s £32 in at Elland Road and you’re unlikely to see a man in leopard skin being run over by a truck. Unfortunately, he wasn’t actually dressed in leopard skin. He did have sparkly foil trunks though. I think that’s as good. Willy like garlic bread at the end of the show though I imagine - French rather than Italian. Men - don't think about that metaphor for too long.
Oh yes, and the woman doing the splits had the narrowest gusset you’re likely to see. Not that I’d be interested in a thin white gusset on a slim attractive blonde young lady suspended from the ceiling by wires and spinning, doing the splits.
No-one asked me to join. Felt a little affronted. I'm not answering their e-mails.