Friday, March 10, 2006

More Advice from the Changing / Locker Room

These non-music related entries are so much more satisfying don't you think? - Let me know.

Anyway, that locker room...

First up, an obvious one - what are you going to gain from standing on your towel when you’re still wet? This may seem obvious but you're just going to get your towel wet and dirty - is this your first time at the pool or are you nine years old? If it is, or if you are, apologies. If not, sort yourself out eh?I've previously advised against aggressive scrotal towelling as an aesthetically poor choice of drying technique. I'd also like to add from today's experience that 'legs apart, knees bent forward, thrusting motion' is surely not to be countenanced from a willy drying perspective (or during combined willy and scrotal drying which I believe was the object of the action). The force applied to willy washing should surely also be closely monitored. Now, men are programmed from an early age (at least most of us are) to avoid over aggressive willy washing, at least in public. In private anything goes of course. However, today a man was apparently lovingly stroking a new born kitten. In the shower. Except HE DIDN’T HAVE A KITTEN! (which, come to think of it could actually have been worse but we’ll leave that for now). That’s right, the sharper ones amongst you are already there – washing his bleedin’ willy like it was George Galloway in top acting mode.

So, I took the only course of action available to me - I slapped his hand away, went nose to nose and shouted at the top of my voice – ‘DON’T WASH IT LIKE THAT, IT’S JUST NOT RIGHT!’ Actually, I discovered a second choice of action was available: I sashayed over hissing ‘word in your shell like’ conspiratorially and carefully explained ‘aggressive towelling, no. Stroking new born kitten, no.’ ‘Find a middle way’ I suggested politely but firmly, with a playful smack on the bell end.

Some people eh?

No comments: