Yorkshire Water are back with their threatening letters. Actually, they’re selling insurance which is what we pay a water company for, obviously. This time it’s superficially less scary (the last similar letters were clearly aimed at scaring old ladies half to death unless they paid up) – it’s a ‘Water supply pipe: Information for Homeowners’ letter i.e. an advert with threats.
They’re selling insurance and repairs (by other companies, they probably got bored with repairing pipes in a similar way to the post office getting bored with collecting and delivering post) but in short here’s my translation:
‘We used to be responsible for the water pipes from your house but since this public asset was stolen from you goons without compensation (in fact some of you even bought shares!) the rules have changed - In order that we can make loads more money on the back of your essential needs we’ve been let off repairing the pipes that you once owned and we had to fix. Since we no longer care about these pipes they’re liable to rot away at any minute. If they do we’re going to send you a large bill to get someone to repair them - so fuck you! But if you pay us 20 quid a year we’ll get them fixed a bit quicker and you'll have already paid. Fair enough?
The strange thing is that their new tactic may have worked - I just couldn't summon up the energy to even send them an insulting and gratuitously offensive letter pointing out their cheek. My weakness entirely, I need to buck my ideas up.
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