The streets of Leeds looked like someone had been downing huge crows with an air rifle today - dozens of splayed black flapping bodies littering the streets. Either that or people were abandoning their umbrellas.
I had plenty of time to look when the bus didn't turn up. Like I say, I want my money back. They will of course have a get out clause like all businesses do when they cock up and don't want to pay.
Monday, June 25, 2007
They Run and Hide Their Heads
So the transport system now closes down due to:
- Snow
- Ice
- Sun
- Fog
- Leaves
- Wind
and now
Rain
Why not design a transport system that can't cope with 'mild with a few showers' and 'drizzle but brightening up in some areas later'? and we could all stay at home all the time and download our personalities onto the internet like we're supposed to be doing 'in the future'.
Why are the British surprised by weather? Actually they're not. The transport companies can simply make more money by not bothering to run when the the weather is 'extreme' or 'freak'. Thing is that the weather is 'extreme' or 'freak' once every couple of months. I had to abandon the bus to walk today. I want my money back.
Mind you. we could also blame the people who design the roads and railways and the people who won't walk anywhere.
Junior Showtime
No, not Junior Showtime, let's not go there; but let's go straight to Junior Hookah.
That's right, Junior Hookah. You can buy these at our local shop. It's OK though, they're nothing to do with underage sex. No, silly; its OK, they're merely smoking devices. One has to presume they're for kids though maybe its just a size thing.
And please note the possibly not entirely correct uses of the semi-colon. I read the book by that Truss woman. It amused me at first then I got bored.
That's right, Junior Hookah. You can buy these at our local shop. It's OK though, they're nothing to do with underage sex. No, silly; its OK, they're merely smoking devices. One has to presume they're for kids though maybe its just a size thing.
And please note the possibly not entirely correct uses of the semi-colon. I read the book by that Truss woman. It amused me at first then I got bored.
Friday, June 15, 2007
More fun from those marketing wasters - with sex!
Yup, it's more matey stuff from the back of the 'Fitnesse' packet. This time its 'Fit-tips'
“We all know the importance of eating healthily and getting enough exercise [no, I don’t, please explain, I’ve never heard of this concept] but neither should have to be a chore. Instead of getting stuck in a boring gym groove [I can get you out of that with a tyre lever] try some alternative forms of exercise and put a bit of fun back into fitness [anyone remember doctor Blakoe?*]
Oh, stop stop now….it goes on to suggest dog walking (with a borrowed dog if necessary), using stairs and joining a Salsa class (it says with friends but possibly means with one of those big bags of Dorritos that rips down the side so you have to eat them all or throw some away).
There’s also a piece on not being a ‘slave to the scales’. It really wasn’t worth the effort of typing it out in the end.
Remember though kids ‘Eat fab, be delicious’. This is a registered trade mark! I really am not making this up! Ha Ha! I hope the manufacturers of Fabs sue them too...
*Note: based upon two potency-enhancing thermo-electro couples that are inset in a polymer, which is then fitted snugly over the penis and testicles. The very latest model is light, comfortable and will last you a lifetime.
Explanatory note: There was a time when having sex was promoted as good for keeping fit, ‘healthy and normal’ etc. They don’t say that so much now we’re all paedophiles and sexual harassers and everyone's got that STD with no symptoms - a disease with no symptoms and they're complaining! I'll swap you for mine anyday...
And finally - did they really say 'getting stuck in a boring gym groove'? Yes they did! They might as well turn up at your house ring the doorbell and hold up a big plaque saying 'I am a total wanker and it's OK to hate me!'
“We all know the importance of eating healthily and getting enough exercise [no, I don’t, please explain, I’ve never heard of this concept] but neither should have to be a chore. Instead of getting stuck in a boring gym groove [I can get you out of that with a tyre lever] try some alternative forms of exercise and put a bit of fun back into fitness [anyone remember doctor Blakoe?*]
Oh, stop stop now….it goes on to suggest dog walking (with a borrowed dog if necessary), using stairs and joining a Salsa class (it says with friends but possibly means with one of those big bags of Dorritos that rips down the side so you have to eat them all or throw some away).
There’s also a piece on not being a ‘slave to the scales’. It really wasn’t worth the effort of typing it out in the end.
Remember though kids ‘Eat fab, be delicious’. This is a registered trade mark! I really am not making this up! Ha Ha! I hope the manufacturers of Fabs sue them too...
*Note: based upon two potency-enhancing thermo-electro couples that are inset in a polymer, which is then fitted snugly over the penis and testicles. The very latest model is light, comfortable and will last you a lifetime.
Explanatory note: There was a time when having sex was promoted as good for keeping fit, ‘healthy and normal’ etc. They don’t say that so much now we’re all paedophiles and sexual harassers and everyone's got that STD with no symptoms - a disease with no symptoms and they're complaining! I'll swap you for mine anyday...
And finally - did they really say 'getting stuck in a boring gym groove'? Yes they did! They might as well turn up at your house ring the doorbell and hold up a big plaque saying 'I am a total wanker and it's OK to hate me!'
The stupid and the future
I happened upon a website called ‘thespoof.com’ the other day. They had a story about the new Olympic Swastika logo thing and it was quite funny. However, it says on every page “The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious”.
I expect someone requires them to do this. Why is there so much mollycoddling of stupid people? All my stories are 100% true guaranteed or 10 times your money back and virtual reality sex with Elvis.
Remember virtual reality anyone? By the end of the century (the 20th Century mind), because the rate of progess in IT is so fast and 'accelerating all the time' we would all be slipping on an all over body suit and having sex with Elvis (or whaddever, but you know what I mean).
What happened to the future eh? And why do people still talk about progress? - why is making electrical gadgets too small for a marmoset to use seen as big and clever? - and spending your life 'on-line' too. Go, go away and do something useful!
I expect someone requires them to do this. Why is there so much mollycoddling of stupid people? All my stories are 100% true guaranteed or 10 times your money back and virtual reality sex with Elvis.
Remember virtual reality anyone? By the end of the century (the 20th Century mind), because the rate of progess in IT is so fast and 'accelerating all the time' we would all be slipping on an all over body suit and having sex with Elvis (or whaddever, but you know what I mean).
What happened to the future eh? And why do people still talk about progress? - why is making electrical gadgets too small for a marmoset to use seen as big and clever? - and spending your life 'on-line' too. Go, go away and do something useful!
I know what I want from a job
I've decided I know what I want from a job. It's not to be made incandescent with rage all the time. I don't want to deal with idiots and I don't want to do things I'm not paid to do or clear up other people's mess (the ones that are paid much more than I am) or watch other people getting away with stuff I wouldn't do or wouldn't get away with. I don't want to watch other people doing 'the wrong thing', particularly putting up with stuff that is 'just wrong' without telling idiots where to get off.
I have never ever had a job like this of course. I'd work for myself but my boss would be such a miserable twat I'd get fed up.
And why are jobs that pay £12,000 a year so much more difficult and responsible than managerial jobs at at least twice as much? I had one of those jobs for a short while. I went to meetings and let other people do the work. I felt like a fraud.
My final point is that most of the world of work appears to be some vast job creation scheme to give middle class types the illusion that they do useful work when they just talk and go to meetings getting paid for driving cars and sitting on trains and writing down good intentions.
The people that do actual work get treated like idiots, get paid bugger all and generally have to try to keep more senior people from cocking everything up. Here's to the revolution!
I have never ever had a job like this of course. I'd work for myself but my boss would be such a miserable twat I'd get fed up.
And why are jobs that pay £12,000 a year so much more difficult and responsible than managerial jobs at at least twice as much? I had one of those jobs for a short while. I went to meetings and let other people do the work. I felt like a fraud.
My final point is that most of the world of work appears to be some vast job creation scheme to give middle class types the illusion that they do useful work when they just talk and go to meetings getting paid for driving cars and sitting on trains and writing down good intentions.
The people that do actual work get treated like idiots, get paid bugger all and generally have to try to keep more senior people from cocking everything up. Here's to the revolution!
Fraud monitoring is on
I did some shopping in Tescos the other day. I put a few things I needed in a basket and headed for the till. Just before I reached the till a member of staff slipped a couple of extra items in my basket without telling me (obviously) and without me noticing. The bill was a few quid more than I expected. I had to tell them to take the extra items out, explain I didn’t know anything about them, that I didn’t want them, that I wasn't paying for them and get them to add up the bill again. Most people just sighed and paid up - or didn't notice at all.
Of course, this didn’t actually happen. If members of staff at Tesco’s actually did this people would be absolutely livid and garrotte them with coat hangers.
My question is – why do firms who do this on-line get away with doing this? I bought anti-virus software for £40, put in all my details, got to ‘the checkout’ and they’d added some wanky re-install for 6 months thing I hadn’t asked for. Had they nicely suggested it was a good thing I might even have considered buying it. Now I hate Norton and would like to burn down their offices.
At work I order stationery and they add a couple of quid to insure the sodding envelopes for whatever misfortune may befall them between their warehouse and Leeds – without asking, without telling and with an unspoken arrogance that says’ you’d be such a fool not to buy this we’ve put it on your bill anyway in case you were going to forget'. The only thing you can do is take it out of the basket and then complain hoping that it’s a company with less contempt for their customers than they appear to have (some hope).
Let’s not even get started on those ink buying reminders that tell you your computer will be ‘damaged’ if you pay £20 for a cartridge that they charge £45 for (and is worth about £2 at most). No, really, don't get me started.
Of course, this didn’t actually happen. If members of staff at Tesco’s actually did this people would be absolutely livid and garrotte them with coat hangers.
My question is – why do firms who do this on-line get away with doing this? I bought anti-virus software for £40, put in all my details, got to ‘the checkout’ and they’d added some wanky re-install for 6 months thing I hadn’t asked for. Had they nicely suggested it was a good thing I might even have considered buying it. Now I hate Norton and would like to burn down their offices.
At work I order stationery and they add a couple of quid to insure the sodding envelopes for whatever misfortune may befall them between their warehouse and Leeds – without asking, without telling and with an unspoken arrogance that says’ you’d be such a fool not to buy this we’ve put it on your bill anyway in case you were going to forget'. The only thing you can do is take it out of the basket and then complain hoping that it’s a company with less contempt for their customers than they appear to have (some hope).
Let’s not even get started on those ink buying reminders that tell you your computer will be ‘damaged’ if you pay £20 for a cartridge that they charge £45 for (and is worth about £2 at most). No, really, don't get me started.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Your 'avin' a larf aintcha?
It seems that BAE Systems are setting up an ‘Ethics Committee’ to assess how they conduct their arms deals.
Similarly the International Torturers Association are looking into using greener electricity to apply to the genitals of their victims.
Meanwhile the Paedophile Promotion Trust of the UK will be running a second hand school uniform sale and hoop-la, all profits to the NSPCC.
...and the Cannibal Club will be demonstrating the art of bottling plums for the WI in Harrogate (hey, this is like the pissed off ironic post modern Two Ronnies!)
I know that as individuals and as a nation we’re mainly against paedophiles. I’m against torturers but I guess as a nation we’re not. Remember the H Blocks anyone? - and those ‘interrogation centres’ (or ‘centers’ I suppose, I’d have to check the sign, or Czech the sign?)
Similarly I think arms dealers are a bad thing. The workers in the arms industry would be much better employed sat at home watching daytime TV and drinking tea. But one man’s death is another’s profit so the ‘Labour’ government (a “Labour Government” as Neil Kinnock once nearly said) supports them. As a nation it seems we think they're kind of OK. Not squandering resources on the means of death is considered naïve apparently. Go figure as the Americans say…
The fact still remains that you couldn't make it up - arms dealers set up ethics committee indeed, it's all a bit pointless taking the piss really isn't it?
Similarly the International Torturers Association are looking into using greener electricity to apply to the genitals of their victims.
Meanwhile the Paedophile Promotion Trust of the UK will be running a second hand school uniform sale and hoop-la, all profits to the NSPCC.
...and the Cannibal Club will be demonstrating the art of bottling plums for the WI in Harrogate (hey, this is like the pissed off ironic post modern Two Ronnies!)
I know that as individuals and as a nation we’re mainly against paedophiles. I’m against torturers but I guess as a nation we’re not. Remember the H Blocks anyone? - and those ‘interrogation centres’ (or ‘centers’ I suppose, I’d have to check the sign, or Czech the sign?)
Similarly I think arms dealers are a bad thing. The workers in the arms industry would be much better employed sat at home watching daytime TV and drinking tea. But one man’s death is another’s profit so the ‘Labour’ government (a “Labour Government” as Neil Kinnock once nearly said) supports them. As a nation it seems we think they're kind of OK. Not squandering resources on the means of death is considered naïve apparently. Go figure as the Americans say…
The fact still remains that you couldn't make it up - arms dealers set up ethics committee indeed, it's all a bit pointless taking the piss really isn't it?
More Shows
Did the Gang Show really used to be on telly? You probably don’t even know to what I am referring do you? The Scouts? Ah well, never mind. I have no idea what was in it I'd like to add. All very unsavoury I'll wager.
I am absolutely sure that the Edinburgh Military Tattoo, the Horse of the Year Show and Crufts have been on prime time proper telly though. Best not to have one. You can get your lottery results on line. My mate Stan nearly lost a finger in Edinburgh you know, dismantling a field gun or something. Dunno if they get disability pensions for losing a finger to entertain royalty.
I am absolutely sure that the Edinburgh Military Tattoo, the Horse of the Year Show and Crufts have been on prime time proper telly though. Best not to have one. You can get your lottery results on line. My mate Stan nearly lost a finger in Edinburgh you know, dismantling a field gun or something. Dunno if they get disability pensions for losing a finger to entertain royalty.
100 Years Blog
No, but over 100 pages - I copied my blog so far into Word - 104 pages! I could send it to everyone for Christmas. Hurrah!
This reminds me of the trailer I saw being towed by a tractor today - 'Equine Waste Managment' - a truck load of horse shit. For Christmas.
This reminds me of the trailer I saw being towed by a tractor today - 'Equine Waste Managment' - a truck load of horse shit. For Christmas.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
More from Our Friends in Marketing
If anyone needed further proof of the utter waste that is the advertising industry then I give you the following from the back of a packet of cereal....It’s just like having a real mate talking to you (from out of the back of a cereal packet). No, honestly...
In my world of course, cereal is something you eat for breakfast. It does not have a ‘personality’. In any half rational view of the world breakfast cereal simply does not have a personality - got that? - and it can be eaten by anyone who buys it.
There’s a long stretch of quote coming up here. If this doesn’t make you want to shoot yourself, or more likely the poor deluded sap who wrote it (and got paid to do it I assume) then go away and never come back, you will never ever have anything at all in common with me, ever.
This is from a packet of ‘Fitnesse’ which I suspect does, in the eyes of its producers, have a ‘personality’. Bet your life it’ll have been focus-grouped until it squeaked and demographic-ed to a crisp (or delicious virtually fat free cereal anyway).
“So, you bend the rules a bit from time to time. Who’s really going to know that you didn’t have one chocolate biscuit during the meeting, you had three? Or that you bought those take-me-now shoes a week before pay day? And who cares if what you do will never be understood by men: like going to IKEA for a bread bin and coming back with three bags of tealights, two duvet sets and a sofa – or writing up a to-do list of things you have already done, just for the pleasure of crossing them off”.
“It’s your life – live it your way. We say three cheers for spontaneity, self indulgence & self expression. It just feels so good!”
There you go! Self expression through sofa buying! And hey, I spontaneously visited IKEA and bought five bags of tealights to indulge myself. They just know me so well. Us girls together! This is definitely the cereal for me.
But wait, there’s more….
“The Women’s Code of Honour: Always letting your best friend have first try of that last little black dress that’s on sale…Never keeping secret addresses – such as the best hairdresser in town – to yourself…Always coming to the rescue in a man emergency with a glass of wine, DVD and box of tissues…Never being afraid to receive a compliment from your friends on how good you’re looking – or give one right back…”
Hey, right back at you Fitnesse you big old sisterly box of cereal you. Last time I had a man emergency it was the nose to nose with the driving nutter, though, hey, I have to admit to keeping the address of my hairdresser secret when I'm letting me mates try on that pair of jeans in Matalan....oh sorry, it was 'the best hairdresser in town' wasn't it! You know, the one with only one customer...
It’s those ‘girls about town’ again isn’t it – you know, the ones who ordered £4 salads in McDonalds a while back. Personally, I don’t want to be mates with Nestle or breakfast cereal and my feet hurt through curling.
And…there is, would you believe, more of this stuff! It’s worth typing out – but only just so more later…
PS what is a tealight for foxxsakes? - and are 'take me now' shoes the same as 'fuck me' shoes?
In my world of course, cereal is something you eat for breakfast. It does not have a ‘personality’. In any half rational view of the world breakfast cereal simply does not have a personality - got that? - and it can be eaten by anyone who buys it.
There’s a long stretch of quote coming up here. If this doesn’t make you want to shoot yourself, or more likely the poor deluded sap who wrote it (and got paid to do it I assume) then go away and never come back, you will never ever have anything at all in common with me, ever.
This is from a packet of ‘Fitnesse’ which I suspect does, in the eyes of its producers, have a ‘personality’. Bet your life it’ll have been focus-grouped until it squeaked and demographic-ed to a crisp (or delicious virtually fat free cereal anyway).
“So, you bend the rules a bit from time to time. Who’s really going to know that you didn’t have one chocolate biscuit during the meeting, you had three? Or that you bought those take-me-now shoes a week before pay day? And who cares if what you do will never be understood by men: like going to IKEA for a bread bin and coming back with three bags of tealights, two duvet sets and a sofa – or writing up a to-do list of things you have already done, just for the pleasure of crossing them off”.
“It’s your life – live it your way. We say three cheers for spontaneity, self indulgence & self expression. It just feels so good!”
There you go! Self expression through sofa buying! And hey, I spontaneously visited IKEA and bought five bags of tealights to indulge myself. They just know me so well. Us girls together! This is definitely the cereal for me.
But wait, there’s more….
“The Women’s Code of Honour: Always letting your best friend have first try of that last little black dress that’s on sale…Never keeping secret addresses – such as the best hairdresser in town – to yourself…Always coming to the rescue in a man emergency with a glass of wine, DVD and box of tissues…Never being afraid to receive a compliment from your friends on how good you’re looking – or give one right back…”
Hey, right back at you Fitnesse you big old sisterly box of cereal you. Last time I had a man emergency it was the nose to nose with the driving nutter, though, hey, I have to admit to keeping the address of my hairdresser secret when I'm letting me mates try on that pair of jeans in Matalan....oh sorry, it was 'the best hairdresser in town' wasn't it! You know, the one with only one customer...
It’s those ‘girls about town’ again isn’t it – you know, the ones who ordered £4 salads in McDonalds a while back. Personally, I don’t want to be mates with Nestle or breakfast cereal and my feet hurt through curling.
And…there is, would you believe, more of this stuff! It’s worth typing out – but only just so more later…
PS what is a tealight for foxxsakes? - and are 'take me now' shoes the same as 'fuck me' shoes?
Swearing
I re-read some of my blog recently. Rather a lot of swearing in it. I will try to cut down. It may be big and clever but I find it cheapening. On the other hand bollocks to 'em all.
So this entry has some interest, the local cats are conducting commando raids on each other and the crows are banding together. Man next door says there was a bird of prey two feet tall in his garden. I had to tell him that Klingons are much taller...
So this entry has some interest, the local cats are conducting commando raids on each other and the crows are banding together. Man next door says there was a bird of prey two feet tall in his garden. I had to tell him that Klingons are much taller...
A what? Really?
The other week, for the first time ever in my whole life, I saw someone actually use one of those old fashioned weighing machines at the swimming baths – 20p to find out how much you weigh! I thought they were strange antiques that no-one could be bothered to do away with. I thought only women and strange bodybuilding types weighed themselves (and then at home) but it seems I was wrong – though, actually, the man who used it looked like he might ‘work out’ so perhaps so shouldn't have been so surprised. Never thought I’d see it though and come to think 0f it I can't think of a time when anyone would...
Even stranger, the following week I saw another man spend 20p to weigh himself on the same machine – then he stepped off, put another 20p in and let his daughter weigh herself! Not content to be mad as a train set he didn’t even try to put her on while he was on to avoid paying twice.
If only it was a ‘speak you weight’ machine I could have been transported back in time – assuming they ever existed of course. Time and its perception is a strange thing….I remember the ‘winter of discontent’ even though I was only little – It simply didn’t happen where I was but all the documentaries talk about it as fact. Fact in a part of London maybe but fact across the country? No. You’re being lied to.
Even stranger, the following week I saw another man spend 20p to weigh himself on the same machine – then he stepped off, put another 20p in and let his daughter weigh herself! Not content to be mad as a train set he didn’t even try to put her on while he was on to avoid paying twice.
If only it was a ‘speak you weight’ machine I could have been transported back in time – assuming they ever existed of course. Time and its perception is a strange thing….I remember the ‘winter of discontent’ even though I was only little – It simply didn’t happen where I was but all the documentaries talk about it as fact. Fact in a part of London maybe but fact across the country? No. You’re being lied to.
Jihad anyone?
I went to the local shop for milk for work. 89p. I had a £10 note. The bloke serving was shelf stacking or something so I had a few seconds at the counter. I noticed a group of around 6 charity boxes clustered together just next to the till. This being Harehills the charities were various Muslim foundations and education whatnots. I found myself wondering whether anyone put any money in them and if they did how they chose which charity.
Being a white liberal type I began an argument with myself – of course these are legitimate charities, how dare it even cross your mind that they’re probably funding some fruitcake fundamentalist sexually knotted sad acts in rural Pakistan? Before I knew it the man was back behind the counter and took my £10 note. I asked for a receipt. He handed it to me with my change…."9 11 sir" he said handing me my change…an icy wind swept round my neck….
Just in case I need to explain, the milk was 89p and I paid with a £10 note. So, that’d be £9.11 in change then. How could it even have crossed my mind that he was referring to anything else. Or was he the angel of terrorist death come to warn the infidel bloke buying milk?
This has just reminded me. When I was in Greenhouse (the fine indie rock outfit beloved of Peel etc.) we played a gig in a pub in Beeston supported by a band of Asian lads calling themselves ‘Jihad’. These days their feet wouldn’t touch presumably. Rum old world eh?
Being a white liberal type I began an argument with myself – of course these are legitimate charities, how dare it even cross your mind that they’re probably funding some fruitcake fundamentalist sexually knotted sad acts in rural Pakistan? Before I knew it the man was back behind the counter and took my £10 note. I asked for a receipt. He handed it to me with my change…."9 11 sir" he said handing me my change…an icy wind swept round my neck….
Just in case I need to explain, the milk was 89p and I paid with a £10 note. So, that’d be £9.11 in change then. How could it even have crossed my mind that he was referring to anything else. Or was he the angel of terrorist death come to warn the infidel bloke buying milk?
This has just reminded me. When I was in Greenhouse (the fine indie rock outfit beloved of Peel etc.) we played a gig in a pub in Beeston supported by a band of Asian lads calling themselves ‘Jihad’. These days their feet wouldn’t touch presumably. Rum old world eh?
Getting a Job - Or not getting close
Like any sensible person I don’t want a job. But I am half looking for one like you do. I had an email from an agency inviting me to upload my latest CV - That would mean writing one so that isn’t going to happen. The e-mail came from someone who is a ‘Candidate Resourcer’.
Can you imagine the self-loathing that would be produced in any half sentient being by having to deal with a 'Candidate Resourcer'?
This kind of thing depresses me more than you can imagine. Is this the world our children will inherit?
Can you imagine the self-loathing that would be produced in any half sentient being by having to deal with a 'Candidate Resourcer'?
This kind of thing depresses me more than you can imagine. Is this the world our children will inherit?
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Walking to Dundee...
When I did leave the house I tried to cash in a scratchcard at the Co-op. They can’t open the till until somebody buys something. I was in a queue of people clutching scratchcards they couldn’t cash in. There was a carpet shop (I still use the word ‘shop’ though ‘store’ seems compulsory these days) selling ‘useful rugs £1’. They didn’t say how much it was for a useless rug – 50p I guess.
There were the remains of a dead and very decayed rat in the middle of the footpath. One of those fancy coloured paving stones the Council were ripped off on a few years back filled my shoe with water and at work they can’t pay me the money they owe me, the computer insists on spelling everything the American way and the IT people are improving systems by making them not work any more.
Perhaps its just the rain.
There were the remains of a dead and very decayed rat in the middle of the footpath. One of those fancy coloured paving stones the Council were ripped off on a few years back filled my shoe with water and at work they can’t pay me the money they owe me, the computer insists on spelling everything the American way and the IT people are improving systems by making them not work any more.
Perhaps its just the rain.
Thinking of Driving to Dundee - Seriously
I often say I live in a hole. I really do. I’ve spent weeks in melancholy peevishness and not left the house. (This is not literally true of course…)
…its strange that as far as freedom of speech and what you are allowed to see or hear goes I always thought there should be no limits – and now I’m not so sure.
My mate Andrew was a photographer in Belfast at the height of ‘the troubles’. He had a book full of images of corpses that until a bomb went off had been people. I wish he hadn’t let me see it. I wish I hadn’t seen the pictures of small dead children in the Lebannon and I wished I hadn’t overheard someone talking about some of the stuff going on in the Congo. I'm not even going to tell you what I heard because it haunted me for days. Makes ordinary rape and murder sound like a picnic.
I’m really pleased that when a ‘bandmate’ had one of those ‘westerner beheaded by Muslim radicals’ videos the rest of us said ‘no thanks’. Sometimes you don’t need to see stuff or hear the details – so long as you know what’s going on. It all shows how close to total depravity the human race is.
I think it’s called Liberal guilt and some people sneer at it. That’s one of the reasons I never really went for extreme left wing groups – they all have that cold hardness that makes them much closer to Nazis than they’d possibly like to think. Maybe they don’t care. Whatever…..They seem to use the word ‘Liberal’ as an insult in the USA sometimes. Mind you, they’re fighting for democracy and freedom for us all – or was it torturing and killing civilians for oil? Can’t remember which. Does anyone remember the days when they even admitted that our Osama had no connections with Iraq?
See, this is what happens when you don’t leave the house…the worst of the world seeps in through the walls.
…its strange that as far as freedom of speech and what you are allowed to see or hear goes I always thought there should be no limits – and now I’m not so sure.
My mate Andrew was a photographer in Belfast at the height of ‘the troubles’. He had a book full of images of corpses that until a bomb went off had been people. I wish he hadn’t let me see it. I wish I hadn’t seen the pictures of small dead children in the Lebannon and I wished I hadn’t overheard someone talking about some of the stuff going on in the Congo. I'm not even going to tell you what I heard because it haunted me for days. Makes ordinary rape and murder sound like a picnic.
I’m really pleased that when a ‘bandmate’ had one of those ‘westerner beheaded by Muslim radicals’ videos the rest of us said ‘no thanks’. Sometimes you don’t need to see stuff or hear the details – so long as you know what’s going on. It all shows how close to total depravity the human race is.
I think it’s called Liberal guilt and some people sneer at it. That’s one of the reasons I never really went for extreme left wing groups – they all have that cold hardness that makes them much closer to Nazis than they’d possibly like to think. Maybe they don’t care. Whatever…..They seem to use the word ‘Liberal’ as an insult in the USA sometimes. Mind you, they’re fighting for democracy and freedom for us all – or was it torturing and killing civilians for oil? Can’t remember which. Does anyone remember the days when they even admitted that our Osama had no connections with Iraq?
See, this is what happens when you don’t leave the house…the worst of the world seeps in through the walls.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Shins
It’s not often that your uncle John recommends music. The Shins new album is, however, a veritable box of delights - and popular in the US too apparently which is strange really...
An office that deals with post you might think...
Made a bit of a mistake today. Call me a naïve crazy fool if you like. I must just be out of touch – I carried a parcel to the post office and attempted to post it. Mad eh? I thought that even these days they might be able to handle that sort of thing. Obviously I was mistaken.
Thing is ‘Standard Parcels’ go up to 11kg. This one weighed 17kg. This means that though I can carry it ¼ of a mile to the post office the poor lamb who collects it won’t be able to carry it 10ft from the post office counter to his van. You’re supposed to ring them and they collect it. Do they turn up exactly when you want do you think or would I have to wait in all day? Any chance that it could all go wrong? Do I take a day off work so I can post a parcel I could walk down to the post office? I’VE BROUGHT IT IN TO THE POST OFFICE - JUST TAKE THE FUCKING PARCEL YOU MORONS.
Anyway, I explained briefly what I thought and the bloke took it off me and promised he’d try to persuade the pick-up driver to take it….then he told me the address was wrong. I told him his database was wrong. I’ve used the post office database before – it’s shit. In fact the Big Lottery Fund (who I used to work for) decided to trust the post office database rather than its staff as they kept adding (correct) addresses that weren’t on the database. In the end we had to use incorrect addresses that were in the database and hope that the neighbours would re-direct. Always nice to do a job right and be told by your employer that you’re not allowed to do that and they want it fucking up.
I did check the address with the company website and funnily enough they know their own address. It’s the same address they had last time I sent them a parcel – no, not Blue Sky Publications post office datashite idiots.
What a fucking shambles. I hate these people.
PS – that figure I was talking about earlier was just short of £10K. See you in court dudes.
Thing is ‘Standard Parcels’ go up to 11kg. This one weighed 17kg. This means that though I can carry it ¼ of a mile to the post office the poor lamb who collects it won’t be able to carry it 10ft from the post office counter to his van. You’re supposed to ring them and they collect it. Do they turn up exactly when you want do you think or would I have to wait in all day? Any chance that it could all go wrong? Do I take a day off work so I can post a parcel I could walk down to the post office? I’VE BROUGHT IT IN TO THE POST OFFICE - JUST TAKE THE FUCKING PARCEL YOU MORONS.
Anyway, I explained briefly what I thought and the bloke took it off me and promised he’d try to persuade the pick-up driver to take it….then he told me the address was wrong. I told him his database was wrong. I’ve used the post office database before – it’s shit. In fact the Big Lottery Fund (who I used to work for) decided to trust the post office database rather than its staff as they kept adding (correct) addresses that weren’t on the database. In the end we had to use incorrect addresses that were in the database and hope that the neighbours would re-direct. Always nice to do a job right and be told by your employer that you’re not allowed to do that and they want it fucking up.
I did check the address with the company website and funnily enough they know their own address. It’s the same address they had last time I sent them a parcel – no, not Blue Sky Publications post office datashite idiots.
What a fucking shambles. I hate these people.
PS – that figure I was talking about earlier was just short of £10K. See you in court dudes.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Not April 1st then?
It wasn’t was it? The story that they’re spying on people in city centres via CCTV and then shouting at them to pick up their litter or stop their ‘anti-social behaviour’ – also via the CCTV. It really wasn’t on April 1st was it? Please tell me it’s a wind up.
Big rant coming!....maybe not as clearly argued as it could be because I’m apocalyptic with rage! (yes, I did say apocalyptic – it’s a joke, moron)
Amusing as it will be to see someone being shouted at for not binning an apple core, has anyone really thought this through? Do people really not mind being watched and told off by little Hitlers on the minimum wage for tiny social transgressions? People objecting to this will be criticised for being paranoid but didn’t millions of people die so we didn’t have to be spied on by the government and reported to ‘the authorities’ for petty ‘offences’? If I was to ask ‘how long will it be before you get hauled in for saying the wrong thing in the street’? you might think I was overreacting.
Thing is that no-one comes along and says ‘freedom will be abolished tomorrow’ so you can get angry about it – and the next group that get scape-goated won’t necessarily be those who have been used as an excuse before. It’ll start with an easy target. Maybe not even ‘hoodies’ or young hooligans. It’ll start with people you don’t like so you won’t care. Everyone can agree that racism is a bad thing for example so people will be prosecuted for making racist comments to a mate. Or for swearing too much. Or being sexist. Or Islamaphobic - or for dropping litter. It’ll ‘serve ‘em right’ you’ll say. Until the day that a minority Tory government needs the help of a few BNP MPs to hang onto power and a crack-down on 'anti-social elements' is ordered….or the owners of the precinct tell you that you can’t walk on their expensive bit of pavement unless you buy something because its only fair; or because there’s been a terrorist atrocity and all swarthy looking young men are rounded up or….
The thing is it doesn’t matter who is being targeted (just hope it isn’t you! – but you won’t know it is until its too late) The point is that once the structure of the totalitarian state is in place it only needs a government under pressure of one sort or another (crime, recession, strike, war on terror, whatever) and suddenly BANG! It’s all gone.
Do you want to be constantly watched and listened to? Do you want to be fingerprinted and scanned and barcoded and have your life tracked by the government? Do you want to have to prove you’re not a ‘criminal’ every day, do you want to have to prove you’re ‘entitled’ to those ‘public services’ they keep going on about? Well, you cunts have already voted for this – it’s the ID card and its coming your way NOW not in some book you did at school once with pigs in.
In Soviet Russia they didn’t have political prisoners. Some people were ‘anti-social’ or ‘mentally disturbed’ because they didn’t believe in what the Party told them to.
In Nazi Germany they were only looking after the interests of ‘real’ Germans. Funnily enough, ‘anti-social elements’ were blamed for anything that went wrong.
In modern Western democracies people don’t get put into secret prisons without trail and of course we don’t torture anyone. People will only be watched for legitimate reasons like protecting us from the marauding bands of paedophiles or terrorists that kill hundreds of us every day (unlike car drivers say).
And freedom is safe.
Well, it’s not. Thin end of wedge…country going to dogs…too late before you know it etc. etc. Yes I know what this sounds like…
I am not paranoid but I will be a citizen and not a subject. I will not register for an ID card and I will not be fingerprinted and iris scanned and turned into a criminal (though of course, I will. It'll be just that the laws will be criminal!). I’ve drawn a line in the sand – so there.
If you read my rant about the twat in the car park you may realise that I’d have rather abandoned the car and set fire to it than paid a tenner. Watching people all the time is out of order. Big Brother (or Community Support Big Brother as he is now called) ordering you to bin your apple core is fucking madness. Why is no-one angry about this?
Well, I’m getting tired out by all of this stuff. Line in sand drawn. If you or I end up in jail it’s them not us. Bastards.
A police state that started with 'good intentions' is still a police state. Remember Satanic Ritual Abuse anyone? It can happen here. It does happen here. Say no!
Big rant coming!....maybe not as clearly argued as it could be because I’m apocalyptic with rage! (yes, I did say apocalyptic – it’s a joke, moron)
Amusing as it will be to see someone being shouted at for not binning an apple core, has anyone really thought this through? Do people really not mind being watched and told off by little Hitlers on the minimum wage for tiny social transgressions? People objecting to this will be criticised for being paranoid but didn’t millions of people die so we didn’t have to be spied on by the government and reported to ‘the authorities’ for petty ‘offences’? If I was to ask ‘how long will it be before you get hauled in for saying the wrong thing in the street’? you might think I was overreacting.
Thing is that no-one comes along and says ‘freedom will be abolished tomorrow’ so you can get angry about it – and the next group that get scape-goated won’t necessarily be those who have been used as an excuse before. It’ll start with an easy target. Maybe not even ‘hoodies’ or young hooligans. It’ll start with people you don’t like so you won’t care. Everyone can agree that racism is a bad thing for example so people will be prosecuted for making racist comments to a mate. Or for swearing too much. Or being sexist. Or Islamaphobic - or for dropping litter. It’ll ‘serve ‘em right’ you’ll say. Until the day that a minority Tory government needs the help of a few BNP MPs to hang onto power and a crack-down on 'anti-social elements' is ordered….or the owners of the precinct tell you that you can’t walk on their expensive bit of pavement unless you buy something because its only fair; or because there’s been a terrorist atrocity and all swarthy looking young men are rounded up or….
The thing is it doesn’t matter who is being targeted (just hope it isn’t you! – but you won’t know it is until its too late) The point is that once the structure of the totalitarian state is in place it only needs a government under pressure of one sort or another (crime, recession, strike, war on terror, whatever) and suddenly BANG! It’s all gone.
Do you want to be constantly watched and listened to? Do you want to be fingerprinted and scanned and barcoded and have your life tracked by the government? Do you want to have to prove you’re not a ‘criminal’ every day, do you want to have to prove you’re ‘entitled’ to those ‘public services’ they keep going on about? Well, you cunts have already voted for this – it’s the ID card and its coming your way NOW not in some book you did at school once with pigs in.
In Soviet Russia they didn’t have political prisoners. Some people were ‘anti-social’ or ‘mentally disturbed’ because they didn’t believe in what the Party told them to.
In Nazi Germany they were only looking after the interests of ‘real’ Germans. Funnily enough, ‘anti-social elements’ were blamed for anything that went wrong.
In modern Western democracies people don’t get put into secret prisons without trail and of course we don’t torture anyone. People will only be watched for legitimate reasons like protecting us from the marauding bands of paedophiles or terrorists that kill hundreds of us every day (unlike car drivers say).
And freedom is safe.
Well, it’s not. Thin end of wedge…country going to dogs…too late before you know it etc. etc. Yes I know what this sounds like…
I am not paranoid but I will be a citizen and not a subject. I will not register for an ID card and I will not be fingerprinted and iris scanned and turned into a criminal (though of course, I will. It'll be just that the laws will be criminal!). I’ve drawn a line in the sand – so there.
If you read my rant about the twat in the car park you may realise that I’d have rather abandoned the car and set fire to it than paid a tenner. Watching people all the time is out of order. Big Brother (or Community Support Big Brother as he is now called) ordering you to bin your apple core is fucking madness. Why is no-one angry about this?
Well, I’m getting tired out by all of this stuff. Line in sand drawn. If you or I end up in jail it’s them not us. Bastards.
A police state that started with 'good intentions' is still a police state. Remember Satanic Ritual Abuse anyone? It can happen here. It does happen here. Say no!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)