Britain's got stupidity - and a limited vocabulary

Another great thing that happened on holiday (in Majorca by the way) was watching Britain's Got Talent on a big telly with a load of other Brits (I told you it was an ironic holiday) to hear Amanda Holden say that someone's song was "kind of anthem...'ic'...if that's such a word"

Hey Amanda, yup, there's a word called 'anthemic'. That is such a word! This reminded me of that singer / songwriter bloke who went on BGT and played one of his own songs. Amanda screwed up her little ageing badly face and asked him if he could 'play something we know' - and he did. That his talent might be writing his own songs never seemed to occur. The trouble is that had he pointed out to her that she's a bit thick and doesn't even grasp what is supposed to be the raison d'etre for the show she's a judge on it wouldn't have been broadcast.

At least none of the contestants I've seen have less talent than her though.

In the end of course one should get off the telly, get off the internet, get off the sofa and get a life...

Lady Gogo!

I’ve been on holiday. An ironic holiday obviously...Highlight of the week (apart from the Dutch Beatles tribute act) has to be watching a Lady GaGa tribute act from Essex! – partially obscured by owls!

She'd been on 'Snog, Marry, Avoid' too apparently. Dare I suggest 'avoid'?

It may ruin it a bit to explain but she was on after the kids owl show - so I couldn't see her properly for owls...

Zippy or no zippy?

It’s been a while since I had any update on etiquette from ‘the locker room’ but I have a brief note from today. I was getting changed after swimming. I needed to use the urinal. I had my trousers on but hadn’t done the zip up. It was a walk of maybe 20ft to the urinal. Should I do the zip up for the 20foot walk only to undo it a few seconds later? Or should I leave it, there being no point in awkwardly doing up the zip only to undo it a moment later (to do it up again a short while after that). Which way did I go? Well, I thought ‘it would be stupid to do the whole zippy / unzippy thing' - so I strode the few paces across the changing room with zip noticeable open.

Well, sad to say it felt really wrong. The whole ‘don’t walk around with your trousers undone’ training I’ve been undertaking since childhood kicked in and it just felt plain wrong. I’ll try it the other way round next time and let you know...

Incidentally, I would have gone to the loo earlier since you ask, but that would have involved that whole 'standing at the urinal in bare feel and dripping' thing which really doesn’t feel right either.

I’m not sure I mentioned the bloke urinating in the shower through his swimming shorts? This was I should say on a previous occasion, not on one action packed Sunday morning...In theory I shouldn’t object to this as it all goes down the same drain after all. However given the choice one must urinate in the urinal, wash one’s hands and then get in the shower, even if each activity is spaced within a few feet of the others.

Bus drivers are ace!

Just a quick congratulations from a few days ago to the Firstbus driver in Leeds (on either a 49 or 50 since you ask) who refused to open the door of his bus for a total of three people waiting at the stop ('the Light' since you ask) to get on his bus and one waiting to get off it! (I was one of the people waiting to get on) – He’d shut the doors after stopping you see, ready to pull away - and though he wasn't physically able to do this (so was still at the bus stop) he had shut the doors. So he would have had to press the door button once to open the doors and again to close them afterwards. Much easier to let 3 people wait ages for another bus and to let an elderly woman off at the wrong stop!

Old fashioned bloody minded miserable shit mean bastard attitude! I bet he felt much better afterwards!

Crikey Moses!

Bloomin' 'eck etc. Is t'internet finally imploding under its own weight? I'm talking about promoting bands and whatever using it.

I've just logged into myspace for the first time in months - and I can't work it and it's full of shite - not a single 'proper' message and I've been 'friended' by all kinds of people I don't know. Most of the messages are from a fat hip-hop guy who lives thousands of miles away - and apparently has nothing to do but add stuff to myspace. What an utter waste of time!

I'm really really sick of Faceboook and people talking about Twitter and whatnot. I'm thinking of bailing out completely. Who has time to spend hours on the bloody internet? (yes, I am aware of some irony here...)I'd be better off phoning round and giving out paper leaflets.

Sorry, this isn't very amusing but I reckon that there are certain things that as an artiste are considered 'essential'. It used to be a myspace page and or a website and then it was Twittering and Facebook. Well I'm sick of the lot of them and I'm sick of reading trivia. It really is a way to get sick of people you know.

And not a way to promote your band. Back to square one unsuccessful artistes looking for 'the answer'