Thursday, March 24, 2011

You're just cynical, you!

In case anyone out there thinks that any numbers relating to bands on t’tinternet are real, here’s part of the price list from ‘’

And you thought I was cynical...

Bronze Package:
facebook – 1,000+ likes
twitter – 1,000+ followers
youtube – 2,500+ views to a video, 10+ ratings
myspace promos for 2 weeks

TOTAL – $250 flat

Silver Package:
facebook – 2,000+ likes
twitter – 5,000+ followers
youtube – 10,000+ views to a video, 100 subscribers, 100+ ratings
myspace promos for 2 weeks

TOTAL – $700 flat

Gold Package:
facebook - 5000+ likes
twitter – 10,000+ followers
youtube – 20,000+ views to a video, 300 subscribers, 300+ ratings
myspace promos for 2 weeks

TOTAL – $1250 flat

Platinum Package:
facebook – 10,000+ likes
twitter – 20,000+ followers
youtube – 100,000+ views to a video, 1,000 subscribers, 500+ ratings
myspace promos for 4 weeks

TOTAL – $2400 flat

We can also do 500+ real plays on reverbnation for $75.

We can also do 1000+ real plays on reverbnation for $125.

News from my job search

‘jobsgopublic’ think that Knowsley is in West Yorkshire.

I guess they think that anything ‘oop North’ must be Yorkshire. They've probably seen it in an old Hovis advert or something.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Firstbus Info Triumph number 2!

I'm gratified to find that Firstbus have a new instructional poster on display on some of their buses - this one tells you how to get off a bus! More useful than the one that tells you (when you're on the bus) how to er, get on a bus but still a bit daft.

It tells you to ring the bell when you want to get off the bus - that bit's fine! I agree with that bit. For idiots with no observational skills determined not to copy anyone else that's fine. Helpful even. Then they tell you to stay in your seat until the bus has stopped! Ha Ha! Yeah right firstbus!

I wonder if any of them have ever been on a bus?

They are my favourite company, like ever! - toadally!

The Social Network

It's a bit late for this one but all this talk of how rubbish Facebook is reminded me that we had a band outing while waiting to go on stage in Aberdeen and went to see 'The Social Network'.

I don't know if anyone spotted this and why I get nostalgic for the days of feminism but if you believe the film all the women at Harvard (or wherever the fuck it was) seemed to do all day was to a) drape themselves nearly naked over the cool guys b) get nearly naked and dance on tables for the cool guys and c) wait for the guys to talk to them. Oh and they substituted for table lamps.

And of course the cool guys are all utter tossers. A very depressing film all round really.

Bloody Myspace!


How come when I go into myspace for Whole Sky Monitor there are millions of messages saying 'you and spamming wanker are now friends' Who fucking says? - don't you have to be asked? I suppose I could set stuff up to filter messages but there’s so much noise who cares any more. There are pictures of teddy bears by the hundred saying ‘I love everything that you do’ and bands inviting you to gigs in Ontario and oh, it’s just too boring to bother with. There aren't even Russian gangsta bride cons any more - And every page takes ages to load.

Bloody on line shite - I'm off to flog a cassette off the back of a van.

And I'm getting really impatient with people I actually do know popping up like wankers on facebook saying fuck all about fuck all to fuck knows who. I don't even know who they think they're talking to but they appear to be talking to me in some sort of endless list of garbage that comes up and jumps about as you scroll down.

I blocked some of those fuckers on our myspace and removed them as friends. I blame the Arctic Monkeys.

I used to use it to actually send messages about stuff - but now you've got no chance. I'm sick of being chained to a computer (he says rather ironically)

Making your job search easier!

I’m currently looking for a job. The world is full of really shite ones at 12 grand a year – and people advertising jobs who won’t tell you who they are or how much they pay! Well, I’m not going to tell them who I am either. So there.

I was looking at one job earlier today but couldn’t find out what they needed without actually applying - which seemed to involve uploading a CV (which I don't have). My suspicion is that they sell on lists of hopeless jobseekers to other sharky on-line HR people who like to have inflated numbers so they can sell them loans and whtever...

I just want to know what the job is, where it is, how much it pays and what they need – if I’m interested I’ll fill in the application form – is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

People advertising jobs don’t seem to have any concept of the meaning of words like ‘senior’ or ‘manager’ or ‘assistant’ or ‘executive’ either.

Hell in a handcart etc - and they were all made of wood...

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

NHS furniture

An NHS facility near where I work has been chucking perfectly good furniture into a skip. A lot of the furniture we currently use at work was from there too. I hear that they have to spend their budget before the end of the new financial year. Good to know some organisations have got money to piss away eh?

Armley baths

Just thought I'd mention that Armley baths doesn't have changing rooms - it has a 'changing village'. I wonder if the village is big enough to have a swimming pool?

Do you know how to catch a bus?

On the inside of buses in Leeds you may well see a sign that says “Hands up if you know how to catch a bus – Just hold out your hand to let the driver know you want the bus to stop”. Please note that this is on the inside of the bus - upstairs in fact. So if you don't know how to catch a bus how did you manage to er, catch the bus you're currently on? And do you have zero observational skills? Have you not noticed what people do at bus stops the world over? Or are you a moron thirsty for validation of your recent bus catching behaviour?

What it doesn't say of course is that unless you hold out your hand the bus driver will have no clue as to what on earth that line of 25 people are doing waiting at that pole on the pavement with 'bus stop' written on it - and he'll cruise past.

Can I have a human sized one please?

I saw some video cameras in Comet or somewhere. It struck me that they were all about 2 inches in size – clearly designed for small children or midgets. Meanwhile mobile phone type devices have keyboards too small for fingers so they give you a cocktail stick to poke them with. I have a screen on my home computer about 15 inches wide. It’s just about big enough. Why would I want to look at the internet on a half inch screen? Why don’t they design people sized stuff?

Still, another few quid saved eh?

It's mainly fat and sugar you know...

Cadburys are the “official treat provider of London 2012”. I promise you I am not making this up. And the advertising industry is the official wanker provider for the UK...

All the really shit food that's really bad for you will be the official gut bucket filler of the Olympic movement.


Appliances and gadgets and hardware are out of control this week – and it seems nobody can do anything about it.

Pay for someone to come and fit a new oven and hob? Nah, can’t do it, the electricity supply is all wrong, you’re gunna need an electrician mate (we just fit ‘em)...Oh and we don’t have a piece of paper that says there’s enough clearance for the hob so we can’t fit that either - what do you think we are, cooker fitters? Get the electrician in, sort out the leccy and we’ll come back – but we still can’t fit the new hob (with the piece of paper that says there’s enough room) – yer gas pipes are all wrong mate...

The toilet flush went and the plumber didn’t know how to fix it; Yorkshire Water sent another of those ‘we don’t own dem water pipes any more and dey dem sure gunna burst’ letters flogging insurance; and finally a card came through the door saying someone had turned up to service the Dyson – I mean what kind of person gets someone in to service the tossing vacuum cleaner once a year? Not me before you ask. Most of us don’t even get to service the wife once a year (boom boom – the 70’s dontcha love ‘em!)

So our experiment with buying new stuff and getting things sorted falls flat on its consumery fool face – no one can actually do anything you want doing - while the rest of the world is trying to do things that don’t need doing via dodgy insurance schemes.

We’re keeping the bleedin’ hob – too much effort to buy new...

The car clock still insists that it knows better than us and the other toilet flush doesn't work after the plumber had fixed it...and we got a puncture - and you don't even get a proper spare tyre these days so it'll need changing again. Let's hope the tyre man knows how to change a tyre eh? - Unless the regulations have changed and he's not allowed...oh, and have you got the special nut for the clever car?